Sometimes you just bumble through life without really having to think about things all that much. But...as a Christian, I find myself thinking all the time (times like now more than others). It makes me wonder what non-Christians think about. How do they evaluate their lives? What sort of guidance do they seek outside themselves? Or is there entire life just one great big bumbling random event?
Anyway, Mid twenties now and so many things have happened in the last few months. I am determined not to make the same mistakes I've made, or for that matter, the mistakes I've seen other people make. As a Christian this involves my DISECTING every decision I make, big or small, running it by, as it were, God....telling him about anything and everything...praying about it....waiting on an answer from Him...
Writing things down sometimes helps. A human being copes better with structure, with something somewhat tangible. Our thoughts, though real, are always so fleeting, so hard to control, analyse, by using simply more thoughts to do so!
In the last few days two significant things have happened. One, my landlord (landlady actually) is selling the flat I'm living in which means I need to move. Whether I ought to buy...or simply move out into another rented flat/house has been plaguing me, although just this evening (and my father seemed to agree) i feel a certain peace about NOT buying and continuing to rent. That way I'm not taking a huge risk (and yes, I know risks are good things, IF they pay out) but I feel more comfortable with being secure...and financially NOT living from hand to mouth. But the fact remains...I need to move. Will it be closer to where I work? Or should I stay here -close to my church? I suppose the answer is I'll simply go where I find a place that appeals to me..and pray that God will lead my decision there, and block a false move.
The other major thing (possibly the most major thing) that happened was that I met up with this guy. I met him on the Internet ages and ages ago (in a Christian chat room). He messaged me, added me to Messenger and we sort of chatted for about an hour. He was way too forward, seemed far too ostentatious, obnoxious..all those things, not to mention the fact that we didn't appear to have anything in common, and so I delayed (or didn't prioritise) meeting him. He did ask, I suppose, but it wasn't like he was persistent about it.
Anyway, just day before yesterday *on wednesday* I met him. He came round to my place and finally, after months and months of chatting, we met! It was ok, I suppose. He seemed nice enough....it became even more apparent that we don't share any common interests (he doesn't read...enjoy movies...play/sing) but we do appear (I say 'appear' because I am forever skeptical of people after a past experience) to be a Christian, and on that note we were able to hold a reasonable conversaion for a reasonable amount of time.
Anyway so we talked over coffee..and after about 2 hours he left. (with a kiss on the cheek). Now, the thing is, he did message me afterwards to say he liked me...even went so far to tell me he was attracted to me (and other things I'd best not blog about -nothing inappropriate of course).
My problem is threefold:
1)We don't have much in common -ought I to pursue this?
2)He isn't persistent....he says the right things when given an opportunity but there is no element of real 'push' (and I'm not about to pursue!)
3)I don't feel like I know or trust him (I suppose this is the case with anyone you've just only met)
The thing is...I know that if I did pursue it (or allowed it to continue down a particular path) it could happen...and by happen I mean, we could end up being in a relationship.
As i mentioned above, I do NOT NOT NOT want a casual relationship and do not want to either cause hurt or be hurt. Too old for all that. And after all, isn't this is when prayer, and Godly counsel need guide me?
I simply don't know how to know what to do. That's the thing. I suppose I could sit back and say..if he pursues it, I'll go along with it. But is that the right approach? On the other hand, I could say 'I'm nearing 30 and I need to get married, so he'll do even though we have little in common' but again, is that the right approach. (Mind you, he's lovely..and I like him, and by saying we have little in common isn't a slight on him in any way at all...it just means we're different, on different wavelengths as it were...)
Anyway, I could ramble on about what I don't know, but let me pray:
Prayer:
Lord, I have no right to ask anything of you, because I KNOW I am a sinner and constantly fall short of your love, and your grace in my life. Please forgive my weaknesses and sin in the past and I claim the sacrifice of Jesus in my life. Help me to live in a way that is pleasing and wholly acceptable to you.
In the matter of my moving house, please guide and lead me. May I make the best decision (either to buy or rent) and may, whatever the outcome, be for your glory in the end.
With regard to this man I've met, and other men I may meet, please give me wisdom or signs as to what I ought to do to either take things forward or nip things in the bud. If HE (the one I met on wed) is the one I am to marry, please let things escalate and show me that it is your will. If it is not, please make this clear Lord. I pray for your guidance in this crucial issue and I wholly commit my plans, my desires, and dreams for romance and marriage to you.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen
:-)
